Republican John A. Boehner's Tan Ready To Rally Conservatives Against Obama In 2012!

Ideas for the 2012 Republican ticket for US president has been kicked around since the day after 2008 election results became known. People across the country have been pressing this hot button, but it's looking like a couple of people have solidified the American expectation for Republcan candidacy. Still in the more hectic, ad-filled seasons, like the midterm we just experienced, we always get strong reminders of the otherwise moderately touched issue. And in 2012, there is but one candidate that's definitely taking the popular vote for the Republican ticket. It's a patriot. It's not a quitter, and It's damn proud of it! It's popular amongst low to mid income moms due to It's known "momma grizzly" status. It's not scared to combat the left-wing incumbent administration, and It's been wowing people since birth. And the most revealing fact for It's new found expectancy as top pick for the Repub's 2012 ticket? It has Sarah Palin's endorsement! You've definitely heard of It's many endorsers that account for a huge part of the youth vote as well as the MTV audience. It's bright and exceptionally outspoken! It's hilarious! It's John A. Boehner's Tan!

Now, the tale of Mr. Boehner's Tan goes back before the Tan officially announced on It's Twitter account that It would be running. And while the Tan has gained both fame and notoriety in DC's ever evolving political scene, the usual famed pundits haven't spared a chance to hypothesize the true meaning of this particular candidate's nomination, specifically in regards to Sarah Palin's endorsement of the previously unexpected candidate. Speculation by said pundits is centered around the nomination being subsequent to Mrs. Palin's own announcement for candidacy. Mrs. Palin, referencing herself in her October 28th interview with Mary Hart of Entertainment Tonight, reminded the electorate of her desire of running only "If there's nobody else to do it."

Much to the dismay of some 'Momma Grizzlies', someone was actually willing to run for president on the Republican ticket. Michael Steele announced last Wednesday afternoon on The Fox News Channel that the Republican National Committee had conferred with Rush Limbough as well as the asset portfolio's of the country's wealthiest 1% and come up with the reasonable conclusion that the only candidate able to pull together the conservative electorate against Obama's reelection campaign would be John A. Boehner's Tan. "The Tan has everything the conservative movement needs in a leader right now", said Mr. Steele on the faux news channel. "We need someone who can rally conservatives the way Obama rallied the left in the 2008 campaign, baby. That constitutes firing-up not only our upper and upper-middle class constituents, but also all those other poor people and the increasingly influential 'MTV youth'." Consequently, Mr. Boehner's Tan announced last night, in what has turned out to be the most politically controversial decision since McCarthy laid foundation for Glenn Beck, that Jersey Shore's own Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi would lead the effort as campaign manager. Subsequently, "Snooki" will be leading the campaign from her home in Marlboro, NY; citing prospective court-appointed community service as her reason for being unable to leave the state. "That's the thing about Snooki", said Mr. Steele on Fox. "She's just a regular girl. And that's what this country needs in it's leaders. Not latte drinking elites like Barack Obama, but just regular people who may or may not be fined several hundred dollars as a consequence of their public behavior. You know, the everyman."

Although "Snooki" was unavailable for comment, (she would only concede to interviews taking place in her favorite New York nightclub after 9 p.m.), I was able to secure an interview with John Boehner on the grounds that I didn't address the Tan directly. Despite my having to face the wall during the interview, I was able to ask Mr. Boehner about the effect his Tan's announced candidacy has had on his career as well as his personal life. "It's been tough", he said on the subject. I could hear his words quivering in his mouth as he slowly broke into his signature soft sob. "It's just that I thought, you know, being elected Minority Leader in 2007 and then being the number one choice for Speaker in this last election, that I would have a shot. But I guess the RNC knows what's best." The congressman was referencing a statement the RNC released just days before my interview with Mr. Boehner commenting on it's overlooking the prospective House Speaker. "Somebody's got to knock down every proposition put forth by House Dems. Congressman Boehner is already in place so it just made sense to keep him there." After comforting the congressman with tea and biscuits my crew had prepared for the expected emotional encounter, Mr. Boehner commented on the political implications the nomination would have for the Republican party and the country's conservative movement. "In 2008, the democratic ticket broke barriers with the election of Barack Obama. Still, putting our best foot forward means more than just changing history. I mean, it's fantastic that the American people get an opportunity to elect the world's first tan president. But more important is the plans the Tan has for the country which exemplify the conservative ideals of restrictive government, lowered taxes, and restricted government spending."

Liberal pundits prove their disconnect to the American people with their criticism of the Tan as a candidate. Award winning pundit Keith Olbermann, on his radical leftist opinion show Countdown with Keith Olbermann, commented on the RNC's announcement on the same evening calling it "Ridiculous", and citing the nomination as "Evidence that there is no one in the Republican leadership that is making any kind of sense really." Olbermann did have some praise for the RNC's nomination, despite his criticisms saying: "It may be sad, but the Tan is simply less insane than any of the other proposed candidates on the right. And for that, I have to commend the RNC on their decision." When asked about Olbermann's comments, Mr. Boehner stated that "He, and frankly liberal democrats altogether, clearly doesn't understand the dire situation Americans are in. My tan's nomination is a direct response from the Republican leadership to the concerns Americans have. It's the same response we had for the Tea Party when they became an even further conservative arm of our party, and it's the same response we have for the country every time we let Sarah Palin loose."

The often radical left has also attacked the nomination on the record front just yesterday, employing the same battle cry they deemed ineffective in 2008 against Obama. "The tan has no damn record! It's a God-damn tan! It can't vote!", said radical left wing political commentator Bill Maher on his HBO show Real Time With Bill Maher on HBO. Conservative commentator Rush Limbough countered with reason saying on his radio show "I've yet, in my life, seen such blatant disregard for civility in this country. The fact is that we need a non-establishment leader! Washington has been taken over by the establishment! The Tan will be the most powerful everyman on the Hill."

The 2012 elections are a long ways away, but the campaigning thereof is set to begin this January. That in mind, it's evident that the Republican leadership has answered the conservative call for action against the establishment. The nomination of John A. Boehner's tan for President not only is a step in making history, but it's an extension of the country's anger with the current ruling class, as displayed in this last election which almost exclusively owes it's result to anger amongst the electorate. We must, as a country, act progressively and displace the progressive movement. We must not let our anger with the government get in the way of sane and reasonable decisions. America has a chance, with this nomination, to fast track the almost overwhelmingly reasonable conservative agenda and put the country back on track while making history. To quote Sarah Palin in her ET interview, in the realm of sanity and reasonability amidst the Republican leadership, "There's nobody else to do it".